FoMo

Have you ever struggled with procrastination? Do you bounce from one thing to the other or just never move forward in your life? We are all challenged by this at times in our lives but don’t need to be, and like most things in life, we can change it if we really want to. Most people struggle the most with the question, “I don’t know what I should do”. There are so many options to choose from that they don’t know where to begin.

People are suffering from a psychological problem called FOMO or “fear of missing out”.

When we are experiencing anxiety from FoMo, we are often paralyzed because we want to do it all and yet have to choose a direction or make a decision. If we choose option “B” then we are anxious about missing out on option “A”. So, we don’t do anything. Sound familiar?

The truth is that no decision is a decision.

A story.

I was in Tokyo visiting many years ago with my husband. We got on the subway in town to head to the hotel after arriving. I looked around, read what I could and made a decision to go a particular direction on the subway. My husband said, “what if we go the wrong way?” My answer, “we get off the train and go the other way”. My advice to you? Get on the train, if you go the wrong way, consider it to be an adventure or “market research” and then go the other way. Same thing works for a job, a relationship, a move. Don’t make a career out of making the decision because if it doesn’t work out, make a different decision next time.

 What decision could you make today that will propel you in a direction?_______

 What if you don’t make a decision?___________

 What would your life look like if you made an amazing decision?____________

Fear of making a decision

So many of us are paralyzed by fear.  Fear comes in a lot of shapes and sizes and often not identified as fear. It might be characterized as a little uneasiness in your stomach or or full blown paralysis brought on by a move across the world. Regardless of it’s magnitude, you have the opportunity to respond to it in a way that benefits you.

The unknown can create fear in all of us but how we interpret that fear determines our reaction to it. Fear shows up as what I call “what if” thinking. Our discomfort around what could happen keeps us from growing and meeting our highest potential. Using fear to our advantage, by using it to allow for greater possibility in our lives is the benefit of fear. What if we changed our questions from a negative format to a positive one.

 Old question: What if I make this decision and XXX happens?

 New question:

What if everything really did have a purpose and always served me in the long run?

What if I learned some great lessons about life if things didn’t go as planned?

 What questions do you consistently ask yourself that creates fear?___________

 What decisions could be easier to make if you knew there was a positive result or was going to be part of a learning experience?____________

 What challenging experiences have you had in the past that actually created growth in your life or propelled you in a better direction?_________

Failure

What is failure?

There are no failures in life-only results.

You have no doubt heard of the old saying that "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.”

Here is the simple fact. If you want different results, make a different decision. EVERY decision that we make propels us in a certain direction. When you fail to make a decision you are also propelled in a certain direction. The fact is that energy will continue to move all around you and will move you no matter what. The only decision you need to make is which direction you want to go. If you head in a direction that doesn’t support you, make a new decision and then another until you are comfortable with the direction you are headed.

Many of us are paralyzed and unable to focus on where we want to go due to FOMO or the “fear of missing out”. Not living life is missing out. Not experiencing failure so you can appreciate the road you have traveled on is too great of a sacrifice.

Consider these simple steps to help you avoid the fear of making a mistake and making the “wrong” decision.

Step 1- What do you want?___________________

Step 2- How will it feel when you get it?___________________

Step 3- Evaluate and resolve to tweak the current strategy in your life_________________

Expectation

Do you want to be disappointed by others? Probably not. The higher your expectations of others however, the greater potential for disappointment.

 Do you want someone to anticipate your needs?

Do you want your parent to show love to you the way your friends do?

Do you want your boss to “notice” the great job that you do?

Do you want your partner to care for you the way your parents cared for each other?

Expectation and it’s destructive qualities are the number one pattern that can destroy your relationships. What to do about it?

How about trading expectation for appreciation. Appreciate that your parent loved you the best way that they knew how to do. They walked in different “shoes” than the parents of others did. Appreciate the positive and negative lessons that you have learned because they were your parents.

Relationships with friends, co-workers and intimate partners are often damaged because you have a “secret” that they are not aware of…your expectations of who they “should" be or how they
should” behave. By giving others the power to determine your level of happiness, you are destined for disappointment. Their behavior has nothing to do with your happiness unless you allow it to interfere.

Trust and appreciate that people are doing the best that they can and that you are responsible for how you feel from moment to moment.

 What is the recurring disappointment that you experience from your relationship with others?_________

 What could you appreciate about these experiences?_________

 What could you be grateful for in your life right now? What have you learned from these disappointments?…which shifts the focus from victim to empowered self?___________

 

Direction or Distraction

What is your chosen path? Are you creating progress toward your goals each day or are you living in a constant state of distraction?

Studies show that each time that you are distracted, as in checking your phone or email, it takes you 23 minutes to re-orient yourself back to the task at hand and re-focus according to University of California at Irvine.  So, let’s assume that you check your phone every hour. You are only focusing for 37 minutes of every hour. Extrapolating that out, this is what time is “lost”.

1 Day (10 hours)= 230 minutes or 3.8 hours

1 Week (5 days)= 19 hours

1 Month (20 days)=76 hours/ 7.6 10 hour days

1 Year (240 days)= 912 hours/91.2 10 hour days

I contend that a long vacation would be much more desirable than the time “wasted” looking at our phone and work towards getting re-focused. Since becoming aware of the various challenges that life provides us is the path to growth, what are some tools that you could use to re-focus yourself and utilize your time better so that you can live life to it’s fullest?

Here are some thoughts on how to reclaim your life

 -Could you set an alarm to check your phone/email once every 2-4 hours and once checked, respond as needed immediately?

-Would it be possible to set a response to texts/emails and calls that set’s boundaries with your clients, friends, family that let’s them know that your response will be delayed along with a “thank you”?

-Are you able to consider valuing your family/friends by putting on a do not disturb on your phone after leaving work so you can be “present” with them? There may be some things in our lives that we have no control over, but this is not one of them. It is a choice.

 -Would you be willing to make the choice to evaluate the impact that distraction is having on your life? Name some ways you/others are impacted negatively.

 

Calculate and record how many hours of distraction take place in your day?_________

 Whose life might improve if you decreased your level of distraction?______

 What could improve in your life if you re-focused________

 

Commitment

 With so many opportunities available to us at every moment, understandably, it may be difficult to make decisions combined with the follow through of commitment.

Let’s just assume for a moment that you have made a decision and are ready to get things DONE!…but also want to stay on track.

Consider using the the four “P’s” of commitment:

The critical first step to take is to identify why this is important to you.

What is your Purpose? Why is is this important to me?

Then ask yourself, what are the steps that need to be taken to accomplish my goal or Planning? Exactly what needs to be done and over what period of time.

Now, put in place the tools needed to implement or Preparation. What are the first steps that I need to take and what tools might be required to begin.

And, when the going get’s tough…keep going- use Perseverance, or go back and    re-focus on your purpose. This will aid in your re-experiencing the emotions that you will enjoy while taking the steps towards your goal as well as enjoying the journey.

Lastly, don’t make a career out of this. Spend some time on a walk, silent time in a park or in your living room to determine what your purpose is…your “why”. Then get to work. A little secret…it doesn’t need to be a HUGE thing.

What area of your life have you found that you lacked commitment?

 On a scale of 1-10, how important is it to move forward and make a decision or create this new goal?

 Describe what would life look like if you committed?

Can you be trusted?

We are all animals. We will always evaluate the situations/people around us using our million year old brain that uses all of it’s senses to determine if we are safe. If your brain determines you are not safe, you will use the fight or flight response to avoid the danger. What does that have to do with trust?

When we trust someone, it means that we feel safe with our emotions, our money, our time, our needs when we are in their presence or allowing them into our lives. So, how do I know if I should trust someone.

We evaluate a lot of things when interacting with others. Body language and facial expressions are the ones that we use most, followed by current or previous behavior.

What if you want to be in relationship with someone and you want them to know that you can be trusted. The simplest answer is to choose to be “present”. When you are fully present, I know that you are using all of your senses to understand my communication as I am using all of mine to evaluate my safety and security. If you fully understand my communication and share agreement, ask questions or are otherwise “engaged”, I feel connection. When I am connected to you…I feel safe and I trust you.

What gifts of “presence” could be improved?______

Eye contact?_____

True listening?_________

Touch?_______

Agreement or thoughtful questions?__________

Time?_____________

You may find that giving this gift to others will ultimately be a gift to you by creating better relationships, deeper friendships and more valued employees.

Avoiding conflict creates conflict

This is one of my favorite quotes that helps life make sense.  When you first read this you might say to yourself, why would I want to be involved in a conflict situation in the first place? Of course I want to avoid it! I am not referring to a fist fight or an argument about which politician that you support. I am speaking of honest communication and what surrounds it.

I have discovered that, in the avoidance of the conflict, conflict often arises. Conversely, engaging with others about positive and negative topics, increases “connection” & trust. Working or living side by side with others in an honest way, builds and deepens relationships. 

Here are some challenges that may arise when avoiding conflict.

-You decide to tell a “white lie” so as not to hurt someone’s feelings—then they find out about it and are angry with you for lying.

-We don’t comment on a situation-a)the other person begins to make up a “story” about why you are not commenting. Often the story in their mind is worse than the original conflict you are attempting to avoid or b) they learn not to trust you because they don’t know what you are thinking.

-We choose to separate from the conflict and hence the person-resulting in a lack of connection and creates a “wall” between 2 people

When you choose to avoid conflict, you are lacking integrity. You are not being honest with yourself or others. You may feel weak or ineffective. Make up stories/excuses about why you didn’t say anything. Suffer.

What conflicts or uncomfortable situations can be found at work?________

 Have you ever been honest even when it is uncomfortable?___________

If so, what was the situation? How did the situation end up_____________

Will you lose more by being honest or by avoidance?___________

You are resourceful

I am so excited to write about how much admiration and love that I have for you! I know who you are and the challenges that you have experienced in your life. It hasn’t been easy but here you are! You have done some amazing things in your life and I am so proud of you!

You have used all of the resources that you could find, create and incorporate into yourself so you could both survive and excel.

You are beautiful exactly the way you are. Sometimes however we need a reminder that there are 100’s or 1000’s of other resources available to us that perhaps we aren’t even aware of yet that could propel us in new directions, to a higher standard or more happiness. As fabulous as you are, you can be even better…feel even better…feel more like “you”.

 Most of the time, we utilize resources more subconsciously which is great BUT how about we begin utilizing and recognizing the resources that we are using and have available to use more consciously.

 Let’s examine this example. You have a project due at work and you often procrastinate and then experience stress when you rushed at the last minute. This is no longer acceptable to you.

Step 1-Understand the task

Step 2-Create a timeline of steps needed to complete the task

Step 3-Look at the typical resources that you use to complete the task

Step 4-Find 3 new resources that will support you in getting the task completed on time and done well

 Here are a few examples of becoming more resourceful that could be used in this situation:

 1-Spend your lunchbreak working on your project for 30 of your 60 minutes. This has given you the reward of getting out of the office and feeling good about what you have accomplished.

 2-When given a new project, get up an hour earlier and brainstorm while running on the treadmill then writing down all of your great ideas after. You honored your body for exercising and have a created new ideas regarding your project.

 3-Ask a loved one to join you to brainstorm, practice your presentation or to critique your plan. This rewards you with increased connection to your loved one & improves your project.

 The pattern that you may notice is that you are using the resources around you that help you enjoy life more by connecting with others, building a healthy body and taking a moment for yourself.

 What are some positive resources that you can use daily?____

What new places can you go to re-energize your activity?_____

Who can join in with you to add new perspectives to a project or to enjoy the process more?______

 What new tools can be used to add fun to your activity?______

 What new way can you describe a challenge that will open your eyes to the possibilities?______

Self-Image

Our self image can create boundaries in our lives because we must stay "true" to who we think we are or who we believe others believe us to be. Every day is a new day to create a new way of being, feeling and creating. "Do" you....new, each day

Act Boldly

We talk about glass ceilings... or max amount of money we can make. If you think you can only make $50K or $1 million, that will be the limit that you push yourself to. Henry Ford once said "if you think you can't, you are right".

Act boldly....which will open your mind to new options, ideas, people who can help you achieve your goals. The answers will come.

Life's Attitude

Earl Nightingale was a radio host and one of the early motivational speakers (born in 1921) in the U.S. and I believe that he had it right! How we interpret life determines how we get to experience it. Are you a victim? Do things happen "to you"? You have the awesome ability to take responsibility for every aspect of your day. Will you choose to be a victim or Victor today...your choice.