What are your gifts?

Every day is the perfect time to not only think of others but also of yourself.What if you were the gift that you gave every Holiday or birthday? What if you vowed to make a difference in the life of others for 30 days.

What if, each day, you brought your gift of:

Cheer

Your beautiful smile

The integrity of doing an excellent job

Grace for others and their imperfections

A sense of calm

Most of us were given 5 very special gifts at our birth as well as many others.

Grateful for your gift of sight and all the beauty that you see

The gift of taste so you can enjoy your family favorites

The gift of hearing-the laughter when weird Uncle Roy cheats at cards or the squeal of delight when a little Joey rips open a package to find the perfect gift

The gift your voice and all of the compliments and thank you’s that you can share

And of course, the gift of touch when you hold someone close, hold a hand or just a calm hand on a shoulder.

What other gifts do you have that you can share? I know that you are overflowing with them.

What are the Four Agreements and… who cares?

Don Miquel Ruiz wrote a great book based on his concept called the Four Agreements. If not familiar, here they are.

1-Be impeccable with your word

2-Don’t take anything personally

3-Don’t make assumptions

4-Always do your best

While he goes into a lot of detail and there are sub concepts in these basic thoughts, I wanted to comment on them generally to give you something to think about.

1-When you are impeccable with your word, you don’t gossip and you come from love. You don’t use your words against others or especially against yourself.

2-Remind yourself that you know what to do and when to do it. What others do, is not a reflection of who you are. You know the beautiful human that you are…don’t let the words or actions of others make you question that.

3-Not making assumptions actually enriches your life by building/creating deeper and more meaningful relationships with others. It allows you to ask questions and communicate with others. It increases understanding and those around you feel more valued.

4-If you don’t do your best, regret and depression can slip into your life and erode who you are. Do what you say you are going to do, don’t make excuses because that gives you permission to be less than you know you are.

Be the best you. You are amazing. Staying in alignment with these concepts will help remind you that you are worthy of all of the good that comes your way!

The Truth is….

I believe that our teen years are spent trying on different persona’s. Whichever one we get “rewarded” for either positively or negatively will be one that “sticks” …or at least for a little while. In our 20’s, we are busy trying to attract a mate-again by using different persona’s that may or may not be aligned with who you really are. In our 30’s, we are focused on our families or the upward climb of our careers and we are “under water” with no time or extra energy to focus on who we are. In our 40’s we often begin to wake up and ask the question-“is this all that there is?”. In our 50’s we begin to explore who we are and begin an era of learning how to care for ourselves. In our 60’s, we enjoy leaning into the more spiritual or deeper side of the meaning of life and yearn to make a difference as we look forward to our sunset years and begin to feel settled about who we are. We have a new calm about ourselves and deeper sense of fulfillment in our relationships.

The truth is…you can have that calm “knowing” now. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to experience the calm and peace of your 60’s while in your 20’s and 30’s? Why waste time? Self discovery and building connections are two of the top drivers in our lives.

Let’s begin now by exploring some thoughts.

The Pessimism Problem

Glass half full or empty has been an on going debate since rational thought became important. So which is the better way to live? Is it better to see the empty side of things so you are not going to be caught short of cash or love? Perhaps from the full side of things, it may look like you are living in “la-la land” without a grip on reality. So which is better, you ask?

I contend that the half full option offers the most benefit. Our reptilian brain which is technically the amygdala, supports us by evaluating the danger all around us. This is called the “negativity bias”. This is a great tool that our brain provides us with to help us evaluate danger and which safety measure to use- flight or fight. Regardless of whether it is a saber tooth tiger or a relationship, we evaluate them from the perspective of fear. The fear of pain, the fear of loss, the fear of embarrassment, the fear of failure and of course the fear of not being loved or not being worthy.

What fear creates is a shell around us to protect us and prevents us from growing, exploring, changing, learning. We have to step past our fear of these things and risk the danger so that our lives can be richer and we can do more in our lives.

If the glass is half full, we can keep fear in it’s rightful place. We always have room in that glass to grow, always room to expand who we are and make difference. We can be grateful for what we do have and not sad for what we are missing out on or what we fear.

“No pessimist ever discovered the secrets of the stars, or sailed to an unchartered land, or opened a new heaven in the human spirit”

Helen Keller

The gifts of pessimism

Many of us choose to remain in an optimistic “mode” much of the time and others choose the pessimism route. I am here to tell you that they are both great ways to live as long as you don’t remain at one extreme or another. For today, let’s touch on the gifts that pessimism brings. As you have experienced many times in your life, things don’t always go as planned or turn out the way you expect them to or the way that you wish that they might. That is just life.

We as animals are always making sure that we are safe…above ALL ELSE. We have a Limbic system in our brain that has been serving us by keeping us safe for 1,00000000 years! So, for you pessimists out there, time to thank your amazing brain and recognize it’s gift by keeping you safe from harm.

Once we are relatively safe however, time to move from the bottom of the happiness/contentment scale and enjoy being present in the moment and begin enjoying the wonderful things around you. The gift is that you come from negativity and you get to experience the elation of moving to the other end of the spectrum and find joy/contentment/pleasure. You experience way more than the optimist who is closer to those positive feelings on a momentary or daily basis. Pessimists get to enjoy the big increases on the happiness scale compared to the small changes for the optimist.

So…pessimists unite. Know that you get to fully revel in the positivity of being who you are!

The trick is to make sure that once you identify the negative aspects of a situation, determine that you are safe, it is time to clear your heart of the negative thoughts and allow yourself to safely enjoy the positive.

What negative thoughts can you be thankful for…ones that keep you safe?

What physical change in your body could you make to acknowledge moving from the negative state to a positive one?

What can you focus on to increase your experience of moving from negative thought to positive state?

The diet dilemma

All diets work .The challenge is that before, during or after you experience a little success, you tend to lose some of the commitment that you began with. It is short lived and hence does not give you the impetus to continue.

So, now what? What do you do to keep things going and achieve long term success, increased energy and improved physicality? You need to consciously make a change in how you interpret the experiences and sensations that you feel as well as use different vocabulary to describe the experience.

This begins with some new questions:

Loosing Weight

Making reference to loosing weight evokes a negative feeling in your brain. Your brain interprets loss as a sad experience, missing out on something. Instead use positive language such as letting go of some extra weight.

A great way to frame how you experience meal time might be:

What light meal or snack could I enjoy that would help me achieve my goals?

Another might be:

What food could I eat that would nourish me so I am energized?

Will the food I eat cleanse or clog me?

With these new ways to verbalize and create a new relationship with food, you will experience frequent positive associations to increased energy. You can feel more positive when you make these different decisions and you will experience more lasting effects of your new frame and figure.

1-What are some positive words you are willing to use throughout your day to experience a positive reaction to the change in how you experience food?

2-Would you be willing to make a list of some foods that would nourish you in small amounts that you could be grateful to enjoy?

3-What physical goals could you exceed daily. One step further? One flight of stairs before getting on the elevator? Parking a little further away from your errands each time? Keep moving when you are waiting for someone or something.

STORY

This word contours up many images…most are likely positive ones. Perhaps a family story that you hear every Thanksgiving or perhaps one with a memorable character from a childhood favorite book…

These are all great images but there is an insidious type of story that can bring us to our knees. It is a story that we as a child, adopted to help us cope with some sort of stress we were experiencing. It could have been parents arguing, your brother always slamming a door or a dog that ran towards you in the dark. It could also be from an adult asking you to stop talking for a moment, parents conversation with you about divorce or lack there-of or the family’s coping mechanism-overeating, smoking or substance use.

I consider these to be “interesting” experiences or stories….but nothing more than that. Whatever happened, it is in the past. It is not in your present. It is not happening to you over and over again. As children we learn to cope in childish ways. Unfortunately, the way we choose to cope then becomes a way of life as an adult.

We may wonder why we are worried about someone liking us, extra nervous about job interviews, over-eating or a desire to just want to “zone out” when stressed. These are often the way the child had elected to cope with stress that has spilled over into your adult life.

What if you could just create a new set of coping skills that allowed you to have healthy balance in your life? We all have challenges (what people call problems). Let’s choose how you wish to react instead of using your 5 year olds mechanism for coping.

Could that change your life?

What “story” have you told yourself over and over throughout your life?

Is this the truth?

What new adult story could you create that would propel you in life?

So What

We often hear the term called a “first world problem”. We might complain that our TV didn’t record our favorite program or we have to re-write a proposal at work. Perhaps our spouse didn't’ tell us how great we looked today…they only said we looked good instead.

Have you ever found that you create drama when there doesn’t need to be?

While we can spin situations or interactions into being interpreted as a big deal, I say so what!

I can choose to be annoyed by all of the little things that are not perfect in the world or adopt a new strategy that allows life to go on without me becoming upset by it. I choose to say so what. So what that someone is 5 minutes late. So what that Uncle George always tells the same story or that you get a middle seat on your 2 hour flight- as you are traveling 500 mph through the air, across state lines while eating and drinking and watching a movie while it is -40 F degrees outside. So what.

What if you chose to say so what every time you became annoyed over the small things in life. Do you think you might see the world in a different light? Maybe you might be happier with the every day experiences? This is a perfect way to change what you are focusing on and free yourself of the annoyances around you.

1-Name 5 things that got under your “skin” over the last week?

Put yourself back in that situation mentally and see how you feel when you say so what…hmmmm, isn’t that interesting.

 2-Name 3 people that consistently exhibit annoying behaviors

Think of them and say so what when you think of how they act or what they say.__________

 The truth is that the world has not been designed to provide you with irritation. The people in our lives are doing the best that they can being who they are and it has nothing to do with us….and so what!

Leadership 101

Most leaders would agree that you have to manage your own “home” before you enter theirs. What does that really mean as it relates to your business, your staff, your colleagues, your customers?

Stop wasting time…and clean “house”. Get your relationships in order. Get your personal life cleaned up. Time to commit to the time and effort that you put in work relationships into your personal ones.

Most importantly, you need to show up and be present. If you are having some struggles at home, solve them, make peace with them and create some positive energy around your personal life so that you can bring energy to your work life. There is nothing that will drain your “battery” faster than unresolved issues at home. If you are struggling with a relationship, get a Coach or Therapist to help you improve that area of your life. If you are looking for a relationship, look for new ways to fulfill this need for Connection. Money? Get a Financial Planner. Struggling with physicality? Get a Trainer.

The list goes on. Whatever area of your life that is sapping your energy, get an expert to support you in this area and create new and positive habits that will energize you.

________________________________________________________________

Now, with this new energy, and your own emotions managed correctly, time to enter the employees or your customers world.

 ________________________________________________________________

1.       What area of your personal life needs to be re-worked a bit?

2.       Who can you ask to help you speed up the process to get you where you want to be?

3. What SPECIFIC things can you do RIGHT NOW to improve your personal life?

4. This is your life. Time is short. Start now!

Name It...

We all have disappointments, sadness and change in our lives. You may experience feelings of regret, disappointment over a work project or perhaps a relationship breakup and experience some uncomfortable feelings. Given total freedom, our “mind” will make the event “bigger” than it needs to be and attach many intense emotions to the event as well. It is no wonder that you experience sadness, anger, grief, jealousy and many other emotions that you tend to utilize often.

If this is a constant challenge for you and you spend a lot of time with these negative emotions. It may be time to choose a different type of experience.

Often these negative thoughts are a form of grief…a sense of loss that you are feeling about the event. Grief is a real “thing”. It is most certainly acceptable to acknowledge that you are having these feelings. In there lies the “key”. It is important to recognize the feeling that you are experiencing, name the feeling and describe it to yourself. In so doing, you are taking apart the feeling and distancing yourself from it. We can sometimes notice that we are looking down at ourselves having the feeling instead of actually feeling it. The next step is to ask yourself honestly what is really going on. Is it really about not getting the promotion (even though it was a longshot) or is it about how you want to be appreciated for your hard work? Is it about the losing the relationship (even though you didn’t think it was all that great) or is it wanting to feel loved. Be realistic. The final step is to look at the facts related to the situation and create a new reality that fits in with your life.

Let’s practice.

 

 What is a situation that you have experienced recently in which you experienced a sense of “loss”?

What feeling/emotions did you attach to that experience? Name it….

What is it REALLY about?

What is the truth about this experience?

What can you appreciate about these emotions and the experience?

MIX OR MATCH

In studying relationships there are so many great recommendations to help remain in relationship and to create a better one. Respect is an important basic quality as well as physical intimacy and communication. While I believe that these are all great attributes to a solid relationship, it leaves out the most important aspect of relationships. Choose well.

Once in a relationship, we do what we can to make it work ….which can be easy, hard or an uphill battle. In many societies the Match is made without much input from the participants. A family interviews another family. They want to evaluate the values of the other family, town they are from, religious beliefs, economic or social standing. Do they make pasta together on Sunday nights and eat together with the extended family? Do they value a certain level of education or monetary success?

While these concepts may seem superficial, it is actually quite effective in staving off discord and divorce. Why, you ask? Sounds so archaic….perhaps.

When values match, there is less to fight about, and the couple “travels” in the same direction. With them on the same path, they can focus more time and energy on building and maintaining the relationship vs fighting over where or how to spend holidays or who’s job it is to take out the trash because they already have those values in place.

If you are currently in a relationship or looking for one, it is critical to either have matching values or recognize the importance of, and respect your partner’s if you have already committed.

 What qualities do you require your Partner to have? Make a list of 10 qualities that are non-negotiable. Review your list before a first date. If already married. Share a list with your partner of qualities that are important to you and encourage them to do the same so you can discover how best to care for you loved one.

 Make a list of daily, weekly and yearly of tasks that need to be completed and whose responsibility it is. In your family, whose job was it to complete them? Each family has followed a different pattern and you will have subconsciously internalized this information. If in a committed relationship, review each partner’s list together. These little things can drive a wedge between you if not openly shared. Time to mix it up so you can remain a match.

 What are the big picture values?

Here are some questions that you may find helpful to begin discovering your Partners or your own values.

Large family or none?

Stay at home parent or not?

Church on Sunday, spiritual retreats or football?

My dad always did this….it was his “job”

It was my mom’s job to do that….

Life is about…living in the moment or…saving/planning for the future.

Money is to be used for…

Male and Female Energy

Each of us “lives” happily with either male or female energy and we utilize the opposite when stressed. Men can be most comfortable with female energy and women can enjoy the male, and of course we can hang out in the middle as well. So what happens when we are experiencing stress? We utilize the opposite energy of who we are. This can be a major problem in many relationships and can make us feel unfulfilled at work.

Here is what I mean. As a someone who is most comfortable with female energy, the following feelings might be enjoyed, ie playfulness, gentleness, empathy, sensitivity, caring, sweetness, compassion, tolerance, nurturance. When “pushed”, however one may utilize the following male traits of

strength, courage, independence and assertiveness. Although one might be perfectly capable of stepping into these traits, if they are not your core energy, there is an innate discomfort when you spend too much time “living there”. You have essentially taken on a new personality or applied a mask with these new traits. This new energy may be rewarded in the workplace, you may be appreciated by others for your independent qualities for example however it is not the real “you”.

When someone with essential female energy begins to become assertive and demanding, (male energy) toward their historically male energized partner, there is bound to be conflict. Male energy begins to see you as the enemy and fight back or may defer to you by using their feminine energy, get quiet and retreat to keep the “peace”. Either can present a challenge. Ultimately we want to stay in our true energy. If a male goes feminine, we see him as weak, if a female goes male, she becomes less attractive and perhaps even an enemy.

My recommendation to you is to remain in your female or male energy but utilize the better parts of each to support you, your relationships and maintain work life balance.

 In what situations do you use your opposite energy?

 What are your “fall-back” behaviors of choice?

What behaviors could you use that are in alignment with your energy that would serve you better?

 If you find that you often go to your opposite energy in your relationship, Would you be willing to discuss this with your partner and perhaps come up with a safe word to use when you see each other putting on the “mask” of your opposite energy?

 When stressed at work, what behaviors could serve you better when dealing with co-workers? Deadlines? Multiple projects and still remain in your true energy?

LIVING SAFE

Being comfortable is a natural feeling that we all enjoy. Great to have the bills paid, knowing what to expect from your boss or what you need to accomplish at work each day. Loving your spouse and children feels good too. Going to familiar restaurants or having similar weekly activities or even exercising mindlessly is just nice and easy. There are times in our lives when all of this is just what you might feel that you need…and then something “happens”.

Dissatisfaction in life emerges it’s ugly head. Sex on Thursdays and Saturdays seems boring, work is not challenging, more soccer games and Saturday chores. Maybe some hope for a long weekend somewhere in a familiar place. Boring.

 Eating the same sandwich each day might just be the “thing” that sends you over the edge. As humans, we work hard to create the certainty that I am describing but after awhile, we become dissatisfied with the “sameness” and ask the question “is this all there is?”. We are bored with our lives and bored with living “safe”.

And while it is perfectly natural to enjoy the peace of certainty in our lives, we can’t remain in this state for long before we will be driven to change it up, create some variety or drama. We will seek change. Sometimes positive changes and sometimes negative ones. We may seek to change up our workout or cheat on our spouse.

Now what.

Time to grow UP. You can enlist your spouse and your children, friends or family to join you or you can head out on this new adventure solo.

 Work-Examine the opportunities for a new position at work. Re-examine the dreams you had as the younger “you” of what you wanted to be when you grew up. Go back to school so you can propel yourself into a new position or career. Perhaps it is time step out of your comfort zone and become a leader/expert in your office, field. Or even, change direction.

 Connections-You love your partner and your kids as well as your extended family. Switch up “date night” to Wednesdays and and go somewhere new each time. Perhaps it would be fun to make a commitment for 30 days to each learn something new on a Podcast or news item to share with your family daily so you double your learning and connect with each other over something besides the mundane daily activities.

 Health-How is your body? Do you look okay…not too out of shape perhaps? Do you eat pretty well?

Are you dissatisfied with being just okay?

How about adding a new vegetable each week for a month and prepare it differently each day? Perhaps winter is the perfect time to begin snow shoeing or yoga. And perhaps it means just being present and savor the food or water you put in your mouth and create some new excitement and appreciation for how you value your body

 Perhaps it is time to answer a few important questions.

Why are you here?

 How can I make a difference?

 What lights me up?

 What challenges in my life could actually be a perfect opportunity to take action?

Make a decision today to add, change or create something new in your life and your life will blossom.

LIFE PATTERNS

Our mindset or what we focus on really has so much to do with how we experience life each day. We all have what we call struggles, trauma & drama in our lives. Some of us use food to change how we are feeling about these events in our lives, others use sex or alcohol. Sometimes we use a lifestyle bound by control and certainty to manage and protect ourselves. Regardless of your chosen “style” to manage your pain or discomfort, it is not serving you well.

When we focus on being the victim or the injustice we may experience, perhaps, we create a “story” about how and why we are not worthy of love. These stories always come down to why am not good enough and if I am not good enough then I won’t be loved. I might as well…eat or drink some more to make myself feel better which of course ends up with my feeling bad about my behavior and feeling unworthy. Down the “rabbit hole”, we go. This is a pattern that we may have been using since we were young and never even made a conscious decision to use this strategy. This downward spiral is a game of the mind that can be changed in an instant.

 Step 1: Notice the negative thought/feeling

Step 2: Create a different thought/feeling

 Sounds easy, right? You are likely thinking that as easy as it sounds, you can come up with many reasons why it is hard. Here is an example of how simple it is.

Someone pulls out in front of me and I slam on my brakes

Option 1:

That person is an #$%^&** & shouldn’t have a drivers license. I almost got in an accident, I felt scared, angry. I swear at them and then when I get to work, I recount the story to my colleagues and eat some cake to try to relax.

 Option 2:

Appreciate that the person must be in a hurry, Wish them well today and hope they don’t get in an accident. Put on a favorite song the rest of the way to the office. Don’t give it another thought.

Another situation might be you suffered a trauma in your life…like rape.

 Option 1:

Anytime it is dark or I am alone or I hear a noise I experience fear. During the day, I suffer from indecision about what to wear-don’t want to dress in a way to attract attention perhaps, maybe if I eat a lot and get fat, the bad guys won’t notice me. Perhaps I spend a lot of time re-living the rape and what I could have done to prevent it-so I drink because my mind tells me that I must have done something wrong. I am now unworthy of love because of the rape and I can’t stand the pain of feeling that way so I abuse drugs or alcohol.

 Option 2:

I now understand that my body has FULLY regenerated since the rape and the body that was abused then is no longer part of my body now. I choose to focus on my strength and beauty and the life that I create around me. I focus on forgiving an individual that must have suffered otherwise he wouldn’t have chosen to make me suffer.

 I hope you give yourself the opportunity to think about the way you interpret life.

What are some situations in which negative patterns emerge in your life?______

How do you reward yourself when these patterns emerge to make yourself feel better?_______

What healthier ways could you show appreciation for yourself and others when you notice negative feelings?________

Leadership Goals

For those of you who are either entrepreneurs or are in a leadership position, do you ever wonder how you are doing? Sometimes as leaders, our focus is misplaced and we can loose sight of what we want the journey to look like.

I am sure that as a leader, you are able to pat yourself on the back for being #1 in business but perhaps some of the other areas of your life might need to be tweaked. I have outlined some areas that might need to be evaluated and acknowledged. Ask yourself the questions below and perhaps some others as well to make sure you have a direction that will both serve your work life as well as your personal life

 Energy-You got where you are today because of your boundless energy and focus. Are you “spending” any energy in areas that don’t meet your goals either personally or professionally?

 Emotional mastery-Now that you are where you are, have you looked at whether you are aligned with your “BIG Why”?

 Relationship mastery-How are the relationships in your life? Are you able to manage an appropriate work/life balance so your loved one’s feel connected with you?

 Ownership purpose-Have you achieved being aligned with your personal values and translated them so your company is also aligned with them?

 Financial mastery-Do you have a growth plan in place that meets your financial goals?

 Celebrate victory-Do you regularly celebrate the small victories as well as the large ones? Ultimately, these small celebrations energize both you, your staff and loved ones to continue forward on your journey

Is there one action that you could take right now to instantly change the quality of your emotions…and your life?

Do you find that you are easily angered? Feel like a victim or perhaps close off from others when uncomfortable?

We all have “triggers” that return us to patterns that we learned as children. Perhaps your parents argued a lot and now as an adult, you tend to “shut down” whenever there is confrontation. Perhaps, when faced with confrontation, you get angry and go on the offensive, attacking others. Again, a pattern that you discovered to be effective as a child.

None of these negative emotions feel good, so why do you keep choosing to experience them over and over?

Our mind has been conditioned to “cope” with negative situations from a time when we were very young-having had limited experiences and limited coping mechanisms. With few options, we did the best we could in the situation and then unfortunately adopted it as a permanent way of coping.

Here is an example.

One of my clients highly valued going to movies and watching television. He had a great but stressful career that he enjoyed, some casual friends and rarely dated for very long. He was not happy. What we uncovered together is that he had a negative experience as a child that made “losing himself” watching television was used to cope with his parents big arguments. At 3 years old he discovered that watching cartoons made him feel better. With the discomfort of the fight taking place, he made the unconscious decision to shut down his emotions and focus on the cartoons. In his adult life, he felt in control of his “world” when in front of TV and movies. He resisted having any close meaningful relationships as they represented pain.

The beautiful resolution to this story is that he was able to recognize his current behavior as a pattern that wasn’t serving his adult male life. He made a new conscious decision to place “having close personal relationships” as his new priority and value in his life.

What emotion do you gravitate towards when is a state of stress?

What situations in your life do you see this pattern emerge? Make a list over the next week when and where you were when you have experienced this. Sit quietly and go backwards in time in 5 year increments and try to discover the examples of what was taking place each time you remember experiencing this emotion.

When you have gone back as far as you are able, take some time to sit quietly with your former self.

Praise them for their resourcefulness.

Offer gratitude for them protecting you.

Let them know that you don’t need that negative emotion any longer.

Ignorance Creates Fear

This is one of my favorite personal quotes.

Out natural human reaction to anything unfamiliar creates a heightened sense of discomfort. I love this quote because it describes this natural phenomenon and I believe that, in recognizing it, we can reduce the discomfort that we experience in new situations.

The definition of ignorance from the Cambridge Dictionary is:

 ~not having enough knowledge, understanding, or information about something.

I contend that it is always a lack of understanding of something that is what creates fear in all of us. All we need is a bit of information, and our fear can be reduced or eliminated. When we lack understanding (knowledge and information) our brain continues to utilize the negativity bias and when we are in a negative “state”, we are naturally looking for the downside of an action, experience or feeling.

Let us look at some examples:

* You plan on taking a long flight. You choose to be worried….ie fearful and choose to focus on how awful it will be, even though you have never done it before. At the end of the flight, you acknowledge to others that it wasn’t “that bad”(since now you have knowledge about how it actually is). You managed to entertain yourself for 15 hours and perhaps actually enjoyed being “unplugged”. Next time you face a long flight, you won’t experience the same level of fear or discomfort.

*You have a big project due or speech to make and are fearful of not presenting well. In the beginning of your research, you feel ignorant (not having enough knowledge on the subject) but later in the process, as you attain the knowledge, you begin to feel confident about the material, how best to present it and prepare for any questions that arise. Your fear is diminished somewhat.

*You are going to begin a new job and are worried whether they will like you and you will be able to perform. If you knew exactly what the expectations were (had the information), you would enter confidently instead of fearfully.

*You are stressed about something at work and choose not to share how you are feeling with your partner. Your partner does not have any understanding or knowledge regarding the issues at work and begins to notice that you are acting strange. They then create a story surrounding what could be happening and how it will affect them. They created fear due to their lack of information.

In each of the examples, you will notice that a little information learned or shared could have prevented much of the discomfort.

 In what areas of your life are you seeking change but find you are fearful?

What could you learn about it that could diminish your fear?

In what ways do you share your feelings about what is going on in your life to ensure that you are creating more understanding with those people that are important to you?

Past-Present-Future

Many of us are out of balance in regards to the past, present and future. Living in the

present allows you to appreciate your life as it is and be grateful for where you are and

what you love about your life.

Just for a moment, let’s look at the past and see how it has affected your life today.

After all, where you are in your life is a compilation of the decisions that you have

made over many years. For example, you didn’t gain the weight today…it has been

a compilation of small decisions that combined together over time to make you fat.

For many of us, we look at different aspects of our lives with dissatisfaction. You

are living the life that you are today because of the decisions that you made over

many years. The decision to overeat a little bit today will potentially have long term

effects on your health and well-being in the future.

Looking back at your life 10-20-30 years in the past.

1. What simple decisions did you make then that affects your life right now?

2. What things didn’t you do that would have made a huge impact on your life

right now?

3. What decisions could you make right now to change your future life?

Hitting The Wall

During an interview with SUCCESS magazine, world champion racing driver Mario Andretti was asked for his number one tip for success in race car driving. He said, “Don’t look at the wall. Your car goes where your eyes go.”

And if you focus on it, then you’ll run right into it….

 These are wise words that can be applied to our lives…

 As humans, we are naturally driven to seek out the negative in situations. This is a basic survival instinct that helps us evaluate danger and then either fight or flight. We are instinctually driven to look for the negative or like Mario, focus on wall. The unfortunate consequence to being focused on the wall is that we will crash into it. A more creative way to live might be to focus on where you want go instead.

This shows up in many ways in our lives and we get to choose what to focus on…the wall or the road ahead.

-We can focus on what we are missing out on or we can create new experiences.

-We can focus on our spouse arriving home late or appreciate how they cared for us today by working late.

-We can focus on finding a way to grow each day or complain about how things are.

-We can focus on how lucky we are or on the scarcity in our lives.

 I often find coins on the ground. I always pick up the coin, hold that coin and thank the Universe for reminding me of the abundance in my life. It is most often just a penny. What can I buy with a penny…nothing…practically speaking it is worthless. Most people just look at it and walk past it. How about we pick up those pennies and focus on the abundance in our lives and the road ahead. Change your focus, change your life.

 Name 3 positive attributes of a friend or family member that you can focus on__________

 Name 3 positive attributes of your boss or work colleague that you can focus on___________

 At the end of the day, contemplate how your positive focus changed your experience of the day and those in it.___________

Don’t lose weight

Huh? It seems that many of us are always in a process of losing 5 pounds or 50. Losing weight seems to be a worldwide phenomenon.

Some of us get to a point in our lives where being fat reaches a threshold of pain.

I don’t want to feel this way

I don’t want to look this way

I don’t have the energy that I want/need

I don’t feel sexy

I don’t want to be unhealthy

Exercise is hard

When you have these feelings, you feel unworthy or unloveable which then creates in many of us the desire to eat. We create a “story” that creates a spiral downward. I hope my simple words can inspire you to look at things a bit differently so you can begin the upward spiral!

 The very first step is to move your body in some energetic way each time you experience any of the negative emotions listed. This may be 2 jumping jacks or clapping your hands over your head with a smile on your face. This will immediately change how you feel.

 Then it is time to focus on what you do want. For example

I want to feel________with my new energy

I want to do more of________

 Next, we need to change the language that we typically use as it relates to our weight and body image.

Cease using negative words like over weight, fat, out of shape.

A new word that describes our varied body shapes and sizes that doesn’t evoke negative emotions is “physicality”.

How about our new language sounding something like this:

“ I am interested in changing my physicality in the following ways.”

“I get to show my body some love by nourishing it in the following ways each day”

“I am letting go of some weight”

“I feel energized by knowing that I am treating my body well”

“Being able to move my body freely is an amazing gift”

 What energetic ways could you use to interrupt the ongoing negative patterns of thinking?___________(like jumping jacks)

 What positive things could you focus on to inspire yourself to make new decisions as it relates to your physicality?___________

 What new language could you use to describe your physicality in positive ways that would reward you by feeling loved by your self?____________